My mind has been on overdrive lately. Two things have COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY destroyed my world. One is the fact that Bill Cosby is probably a rapist. The other is that I have started reading the world section of the newspaper, again.
Along with this current intake of just the immense suffering of humanity at the hands of other humans, I have been thinking more and more about one simple, yet so complex question: WHY? Why the hell is there so much suffering?
I won't even go there. A more complete question may be: If life really is a reflection of ourselves and I am so emotionally upset, disturbed, depressed, knocked down just hearing and realizing that these horrible things are occurring, what does that say about me?
Meanwhile I have been re-watching some of bipolarorwakingup's YouTube videos and reacquainting myself with his notions on levels of consciousness. According to him, and others, there is a stop on the consciousness path that is feudalism. Think back to feudal times, selfishness, destroying anyone in your path to get what you want. You get the idea. The idea that he poses is basically that if someone is living in a state of consciousness that is feudal in nature there is no possible way for them to make the leap to some sort of postmodern notion that they hurt themselves when they hurt others. Or even looking at their actions from a behavioral standpoint. For example, why do you rape and torture? What part of your childhood molded you into that person? It's just simply impossible to go there when you are at that state of consciousness. So the next step is: Traditional. Basically you send these people to church, have them give up themselves to a higher power and authority figure. That is what is, so called, "next". (always keeping in mind that there are truths and value to all states of consciousness and there is no real hierarchy).
So I loop back around to what exactly I am to learn from how I feel like someone has taken a baseball bat to my knees and I cannot get up. I am embodying a feudal mindset to some extent. In that it has taken over my mind and set up shop. It might be the other side of the coin, but it's still the same damn coin, right? Maybe this is a moment for me to realize that as "evolved" as I may think I am, that it is time for me to "go to church", so to speak. Give myself up to higher power, etc. Is that what I am to learn from this? It was just an interesting thought to help us all use our intense emotions as an internal tool for our own self growth. So as much as I want to round up all the people on this planet hurting others for their own sick gratifications and seriously send them to church instead, today, I am going to think about sending myself to church and see where that leads me.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Learning and Unlearning
I will continue with my story soon, but had to share a personal realization that I just made. This whole idea of "this" and "that" OR "right" and "wrong" is really going out the window for me these days. FOR EXAMPLE! I think we all at some point or another give meditation a try. For some it seems to be 'the be all, end all' of their spiritual practice. I have not gotten there yet and I'm not holding my breath.
First, meditating for me is not glamorous or special. It really isn't. I sit and I stare at the wall. I don't enjoy closing my eyes. Sitting cross legged is uncomfortable. So guess what? I don't. And if I am doing good it might last 6 minutes. MAYBE. That's it. The new age community really is another "box" to put ourselves in. Someone told us all that we had to sit for 30 mins (or even an HOUR!) and "clear our minds" and "let go of thought", etc. etc. NOPE. Actually, in my opinion, the best thing to do is to learn all that nonsense and then POOF- let it go. I do think that learning about thoughts and learning about "letting go of thoughts" is important, don't get me wrong. But I am starting to see that it is equally as important to unlearn that idea. Because, guess what? Once you "learn" it - you don't have to "do" it anymore. You just stare at the wall for however long you want and trust in yourself. Period. Pretty simple.
First, meditating for me is not glamorous or special. It really isn't. I sit and I stare at the wall. I don't enjoy closing my eyes. Sitting cross legged is uncomfortable. So guess what? I don't. And if I am doing good it might last 6 minutes. MAYBE. That's it. The new age community really is another "box" to put ourselves in. Someone told us all that we had to sit for 30 mins (or even an HOUR!) and "clear our minds" and "let go of thought", etc. etc. NOPE. Actually, in my opinion, the best thing to do is to learn all that nonsense and then POOF- let it go. I do think that learning about thoughts and learning about "letting go of thoughts" is important, don't get me wrong. But I am starting to see that it is equally as important to unlearn that idea. Because, guess what? Once you "learn" it - you don't have to "do" it anymore. You just stare at the wall for however long you want and trust in yourself. Period. Pretty simple.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
The Beginning - How I started to practice astral projection
In 2009 everything changed for me. One of my husband's old co-workers was in town and we were having dinner. I had just turned 28 years old.
Prior to this event I spent almost every waking minute acutely aware of my own mortality. If you ever got a few drinks in me, which isn't hard, I would immediately start asking everyone in the room, "What the hell are we all doing here?" I always knew I was missing something, we all were. Life seemed too plainly there, if that even makes sense, and I found it annoying that I had no memory of where I was before being born. I found it even more annoying that no one seemed to talk about any of this, um...EVER. To me, this was the elephant in the room. I had no idea about anything "new age" - I just knew that I was filled with a sense of "something is going to happen", most of the time actually looking around for it to happen, and, again, "What the HELL are we all doing here?!"
Back to dinner with my husband's co-worker. He was a good friend. Someone I had always been very fond of and enjoyed spending time with. He briefly mentioned Delores Cannon. I had never heard of her. I went home, opened some wine and spent a good 2 hours watching YouTube videos of her interviews. That night and that material snapped something open in me. I didn't understand any of it, I sort of still don't, but it somehow changed me.
I went to bed. At some point in the night I was woken to the sound of a jet engine in the room. Saying it was loud is an understatement. The noise was paired with an incredibly intense vibration that started at my head and went to my feet and then repeated. It was strong and consistent. I'm tempted to say it was violent, but I was in no pain, I just want to really establish how massively strong the vibration was. My whole body was vibrating and the whole experience sounded like a jet engine. I was in shock and said out loud, "Okay, I, ugh... I am not ready for whatever this is." And it immediately stopped.
The next morning I looked up "sleep" and "body vibrations" and was absolutely astounded to learn that this was a normal, routine experience when going out of body. Out of body? What the hell is that? I had followed my dreams, almost religiously, for over 15 years, but this seemed to be a whole new ball game. I was beyond intrigued and excited. Little did I know what was in store. More soon!
Prior to this event I spent almost every waking minute acutely aware of my own mortality. If you ever got a few drinks in me, which isn't hard, I would immediately start asking everyone in the room, "What the hell are we all doing here?" I always knew I was missing something, we all were. Life seemed too plainly there, if that even makes sense, and I found it annoying that I had no memory of where I was before being born. I found it even more annoying that no one seemed to talk about any of this, um...EVER. To me, this was the elephant in the room. I had no idea about anything "new age" - I just knew that I was filled with a sense of "something is going to happen", most of the time actually looking around for it to happen, and, again, "What the HELL are we all doing here?!"
Back to dinner with my husband's co-worker. He was a good friend. Someone I had always been very fond of and enjoyed spending time with. He briefly mentioned Delores Cannon. I had never heard of her. I went home, opened some wine and spent a good 2 hours watching YouTube videos of her interviews. That night and that material snapped something open in me. I didn't understand any of it, I sort of still don't, but it somehow changed me.
I went to bed. At some point in the night I was woken to the sound of a jet engine in the room. Saying it was loud is an understatement. The noise was paired with an incredibly intense vibration that started at my head and went to my feet and then repeated. It was strong and consistent. I'm tempted to say it was violent, but I was in no pain, I just want to really establish how massively strong the vibration was. My whole body was vibrating and the whole experience sounded like a jet engine. I was in shock and said out loud, "Okay, I, ugh... I am not ready for whatever this is." And it immediately stopped.
The next morning I looked up "sleep" and "body vibrations" and was absolutely astounded to learn that this was a normal, routine experience when going out of body. Out of body? What the hell is that? I had followed my dreams, almost religiously, for over 15 years, but this seemed to be a whole new ball game. I was beyond intrigued and excited. Little did I know what was in store. More soon!
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